Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Zitties day 8 (skipped day 7)

These pictures don't capture what's really going on. Currently I have two ginormous zitties brewing beneath the surface of the skin on my chinny-chin-chin. But I'm staying positive that toxins and what-nots are coming out of my skin and soon it should all balance out and heal up.

But cha'know, my birthday is in a week and I'd love a facial! ;)

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Zitties Day 6

Break out City!

But it's all good. What I'm doing is working.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Zitties Day 5

Left cheek. Womp womp. ;)

Friday, June 25, 2010

Zitties Day 4 (skipped day 3)

It's gotten better the past 2 days! Wednesday Cissa and I went to Walmart together and we decided to check out face washes. My sis Melody has told me before that I need to figure out if medicines with salicylic acid or benzoil peroxide work better on my skin. So Cissa and I started reading all the labels.

These are the face washes that I've tried in the past few months:

These are the moisturizers I've tried:

And I used this toner on and off but I don't think I was using it right because I was getting really dried out (and I have oily skin):

So Cissa and I took all of that into account, and decided on this for me:

I'm switching between using it once a day and twice a day in order to get the maximum benefits and not over dry. I'm also not using any moisturizer right now because it's so hot and humid and my skin is oily. It's been working so far!!!

I'll keep you updated. I know you're on the edge of your seat. ;)

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Zitties Day 2


A few hours after I took this picture, a big one popped up all gross-like. It'll probably get worse before it gets better and that's ok. I felt better today going make-up-less actually than yesterday despite the embarrassing awful pimple. But cha'know.

In other news: Today I read Colossians and chapter 18 in the Psalms. So good! I felt my heart realigning and it was like coming home. I think I've been PMSing the past 2 days. Emotions going sort of crazy. Overly sensitive and over-analyzing things etc. But you know what - God's bigger than my emotions, and He makes a way for me. Whether it's PMS, zitties, or going too long without making time for Him it doesn't matter... He takes me back into his arms every single time I seek Him.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Zitties Day 1

I'm on a quest to not wear make up for however long it takes for these zitties to go away! It's been a constant 10 week relentless break out and I do believe wearing make up is what's hindering it from healing. (Yes, still wearing eye make up and blush so) what I mean is, concealer and powder and whatever else to try to cover the zitties is what's going out the door. I am aware that to a lot of people, this break out doesn't look that bad. But it's a big step out there for me to one, not cover it up, and two, be out on the Internet with it! But I think it will free me from feeling like I have to have it to look pretty, and my hope is that it will inspire another woman to step out of her "comfort zone" as well. I am fighting insecurity with this one, but as I've been told, "The path to your greatest potential is straight through your greatest fear." God is doing a big work in me with this quote in the forefront of my mind. Excited to see how it unfolds!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

"You don't know anything!"

I used to believe that I had no testimony. Nothing dramatically life changing to share of God's glory in my life. I was born into a Christian family and raised in churches. I've been a Christian all my life. I've never broken the law, drank or smoked or did drugs, I saved my virginity for my husband, I don't cuss, and I try my best to "be good". All my life I've been this way. Sometimes coming across as a totally naive, idiotic, judgmental, goodie-to-shoes of a person. All of which I've been called and accused of. I have just always believed that there's more to life than "having fun", "trying everything once", and "experiencing everything".

I think a lot of people have misconceptions about the person that "hasn't ever done anything bad"... people think that the person who hasn't drank doesn't know a thing about drinking or the person who didn't lose their virginity to someone who wasn't their spouse knows nothing of promiscuity or whatever... but I believe that the person that withstands these temptations and learns from others mistakes knows what that evil is. They brush their arms with it's arm. A person has to know the bad they are withstanding in order to withstand it. So even though that person may not have gone down the same dark path as the person who decided to give in to it did and doesn't have those stories to tell, I think that person knows too. Knows the darkness. Knows what they withstood. It's easier to give in. I've chosen what's harder. It's "cool" to be able to give a testimony about coming out of the deep end... but that just isn't my story.

I know about the evil that I have withstood. And it doesn't make me naive that I've chosen to withstand it.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

How to breathe

Fighting the good fight
The one you believe in
Some battles are won
But the fight never
comes to an end
As it should be
It's about you and me
And how we perceive
Every battle that is drawn
In our faces
Our faces
Will we bleed
Will we crumble in defeat
Will we cry
Will we sing in delight
Well in all actuality
We're each just learning
How to breathe

Tuesday, June 8, 2010


My friend presented me with this:

Is the sexual revolution of women really empowering them or just making it easier for guys to take advantage of them? I want to explore that. Like these days women feel more in control of their bodies and seem more able to hook up like guys, but what kind of damage is it doing to them? Are they really just able to give a part of themselves to someone and then walk away? Or maybe it's not gender general, but people specific. I don't know...

My response:

I believe that whether we WANT to allow it or not, pieces of our hearts are given away to people we get involved with intimately. When I committed to Bryan, I put my whole heart in his hands. It's scary and risky. He could crush it in a moment's notice. Which is why knowing the person really well, being on the same page, believing in the same things, and wholly trusting the person you're getting involved with is so important. You know that I personally cannot imagine having sex with someone who wasn't my husband. It's too vulnerable. I just can't imagine it. I believe that a person who's decided they want to have sex with people who aren't their spouses have to turn off a deep piece of their hearts that truly long for that marriage intimacy and they cheapen it. Yes, to be frank, I believe sex outside of marriage cheapens sex (and that's not a dig at anyone.) Sex is supposed to be a beautiful act in which a married couple shares their bodies and souls with each other in love and commitment for the rest of their lives. For those that don't want to believe that that's what they were made for, they are forced to squint their eyes at sex. Making love is then fornication... more crudely... f---ing... and it becomes a joke. It gets turned into something disgusting rather than beautiful and pure. And pure is how God intended it to be. Instead it's then centered around lust then anything. And people gladly give in to lust thinking that's their ticket out of commitment - getting what they want with little to no strings attached. Causing harm to themselves and the other party, chasing their purity out the door, preserving themselves and the other person for their someday spouse... those things don't matter to the person that sleeps around. To that person, selfishly getting what they want and "having fun" with their life is all that matters. They don't care to live for anything bigger and deeper than that. It's the opposite of true romance. One might be able to swoon the other with flowers and chocolates and sweet words for a while, but it's not lasting.

Playing house: Why would a man who's getting sex, company, partnership, a house cleaner, a cook, someone to help them find their keys, and someone to share all his intimate stuff with, want to go through the hoorah of getting married? Women cheapen their value and worth by giving men what they want. This is why none of these relationships ever work (unless someone is to think that being in an unhealthy relationship that cuts everyone involved short of their potential means it's "working"). People think there's too many married couples getting divorced, but what about the number of couples playing "marriage" that are getting "divorced"? There's even more of them. These women think they can be little "slooty-pies" and avoid any emotional trauma, but that's just not realistic. "Man-whores" can't get away with it either as much as society likes to pat them on the back. Though they're less emotional and romantic generally than women are and it may not outwardly effect them the same in a way that's obvious to on-lookers, but it is the same. Everyone who chooses to live that sort of lifestyle ends up burned somehow. Deep in their heart somewhere is a desire for REALNESS that they don't want to believe is there and they end up killing themselves - the life they were truly made for... and then many wonder where the heck their life is going wrong.

To get more Jesus on ya...

"...The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body...Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said 'the two will become one flesh' ..." [I Corinthians 6:13-16]

When you have sex with someone, you become one.

"The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." [I Corinthians 7:3-5]

God created sex for marriage, and it is a good thing.

"But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." [I Corinthians 7:9]

No sex before marriage.

"Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer - may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife? For a man's ways are in full view of the Lord, and he examines all his paths. The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him; the cords of his sin hold him fast. He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly." [Proverbs 5:15-23]

This passage compares the wife to a cistern, well, and fountain which is a source of pleasure to the man. Sexual pleasure is part of God's purpose for sex in marriage as can be seen in this passage. Such experience is designed for the commitment and trust of marriage. Outside of marriage sex ultimately leads to guilt and loss of self-respect.

And that's my take on our world's beloved "casual sex".

Friday, June 4, 2010

In the month of May

She put on another somber song
That talked of nowhere to belong
What she thinks and what you say are worlds apart
Open up her eyes to the things unseen
Take her thoughts apart
Your name is spoken and the whole earth shakes
Arrested as she prays and speaks
She's on her knees, on her knees
Lift her face to the sun to reveal all parts
She'll rejoice in the dance
The bass line rocking her gut
Percussion guiding her steps
Piano keys sway her to-and-fro
In a world she'll try so hard to leave behind
A world that embraces every heartache
She wants to fall in love
To rid herself of all but love
New mercies in the morning
The month of May has never burned brighter
Love has made it right
In your presence she'll be completely satisfied

Who am I?

Who am I to be lovely in your sight? Who am I to be pure or beautiful? With all that I've done it is easier to consider myself a down right dirty rotten sinner. To look down on myself as the scum of the earth. And act like it. To want to hang my head in defeat of my constant wrongdoings. But you died for my sin. Even when I've lost control of my emotions and feel guilty for what I've done, you look at me and consider me blameless. Blameless still. Blameless always... because I've been redeemed. And I am cleansed by your blood to be blindingly white.

Because of this, because of you - I will rise above. I will fight against what comes against me. Fight with your sword and the reassurance you give me. I will act like the exquisite creation you made me to be. Strong by your strength and not my own.

I know who I am. I am yours. I am your daughter. I am who you sacrificed everything for. I am dearly loved, cherished, treasured, and even understood by you. I am full and overflowing from the weight of your spirit inside me.

My mission is to love all. Love you, love myself, love each person I come to contact with because you are revealed through love. You are love. And by that love inside me, I can shine.