Monday, February 13, 2012

Hi there, it's been a while

My last post was written after we'd just found out we were having a baby! Today I am 30 weeks 6 days pregnant, with our little boy Titus John. John is after my daddy, and Titus is after Titus of the Bible - another Timothy under Paul - a great man of God. The meaning I love the most of the name Titus is "saved". I believe the meaning of a name is very important in the eyes of God and I hope that Titus will grow into a great man of God in honor of the name given him.

So we don't have much time before he's born now! The midwife appointments have upped to every 2 weeks now, my belly button is almost popped out, Titus has hand-me-downs and gifts already waiting for him, he has a crib and dresser waiting to be taken out of the boxes and assembled, and walls waiting to be painted. The color has been chosen, the items have been put on a registry, the baby showers are being planned, and I'm getting lots of read time with birth and baby books.

At the turn of the last trimester I decided I should take time off from babysitting. So I said goodbye to my 3 times a week gig of watching baby Brock (with tears) and decided not to commit to other babysitting so that I can commit my time to getting our home and my heart ready for parenthood. It's been a wonderful time. Lots of time spent at my kitchen table with decaf coffee or tea and books, Bible, and journal. Lots of online research. The opportunities to atttend breastfeeding and cloth diapering classes. As a new mommy I am so thirsty for information! This is a brand new world to me. Titus and I will be making the foot steps on the ground on this one.

Bryan has really stepped into the supportive role of working his tush off around the house the last couple weeks. We procrastinated a lot of to-dos and I ashamedly admit it would get to me from time to time, but now that those to-dos are steadily getting checked off the list, I am de-stressing and it feels so nice. Between his work schedule, and CrossFit, and other activities, and needing to rest, and needing to spend time with his wife, my husband's time is a hot commodity. I am so grateful that he puts in hard unpaid work to serve me around here. It's so nice to be able to look at this newly painted living room walls and feel serenity in my heart about giving birth in this home. It may seem trite, but it makes so much of a difference!

Another new challenge that has been introduced into my life is my dad's being diagnosed with prostate cancer. From where I was in life when I dealt with the grief of Staci's breast cancer and passing, to where I am now is astounding - by the grace of God am I here! By the work of His Spirit inside me am I able to bear this fruit of peace! It's unexplainable how I am able to not worry. How I am able to not fear the worst outcome. How I am able to completely trust God's will and goodness and love for us. I trust Him completely with my dad's life. I trust Him completely with Melody's. And mine, Titus's and Bryan's. What else could I feel but peace at the hands of God? The same God who fashioned the stars, moon, sun, and earth made me and made my dad and intentionally designed our lives for His glory. How beautiful. How comforting.

Today I am going with my dad to a doctor's appointment to talk about his cancer. We're awaiting news on his recent PET scan that will reveal whether he has any cancer in his bones. He'll be undergoing many other tests to find out whether there's cancer in any other parts of his body, then they will stage him, and then he will decide on a course of treatment. No matter what news comes may I always rest in the arms of my loving heavenly Father!

It's hard to grasp that I could be bringing Titus into this world in just 9 short weeks (or so). I know that life as I know it will be turned upside down and inside out in the most beautiful and fascinating of ways. I anticipate it with excitement and joy! I anticipate it with the realness of knowing the potential ugly parts. I pray that for all of my days that I will rely fully on the strength of God that is strong in my weakness. Thank you Lord for your Son! Thank you for mine, who I will have to learn to release to you every day over and over.

This is a surreal season of life. I'm enjoying every day. Even being able to glance back at the icky parts and having awe about the circumstances that have taught me something.

Man, my husband is my rock. He holds my heart in my chest in his arms. All it takes is a sweet word, a warm hug, an anticipated prayer and I am reassured of his love and devotion to me. He is what helps me know I can do this. He is going to be such a wonderful daddy. I can't wait to see him with his son. My heart melts at only the thought of it. To see it in action will probably cause me to explode.

All I can think of is that there is power in the name of Jesus. So, Jesus Jesus Jesus................ oh Jesus.

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